Pieces of What Was Once Whole
by poches
Summary: AU where Cosima has died... But all is not as it seems! TW for character death. Cophine mostly, but will feature other clones.
1. Chapter 1

It hadn't always been like this. The empty feeling hadn't always been there. Once upon a time her life had been rich and full. Vibrant with love, and the vivacious energy of the other woman. But now it was just her, alone.

Despite the many whispered promises, after Cosima's death, Delphine had been unable to stay in contact with her sisters. It was simply to difficult to be around these women, who were so much of Cosima, but never as tangible. To her they simply felt like chariactures of her lover. She'd tormented herself, and stayed for months, crawling more inside of herself with every interaction. She didn't want to be this way, and so she left.

She packed her bags, and she left. Back to Paris. Back to start a new life. Again.

By now Delphine was good at reinventing herself. In her short life, she'd been so many different versions of herself, more than she ever wanted to think about. And what was left was a mere shell of what she'd been before.

She had gone into it empty, with no expectation, to get closer to Cosima, to learn her secrets, tug on her strings like a master puppeteer. But with every moment Cosima had filled her up, drawn her in and drawn her out. Every kiss, and every stolen glance, every whispered I love you had shaped Delphine more into the kind of person she wanted to be. Before there'd been a coldness to her. A composure, sure, a control, yes. But she was never happy.

Cosima had changed that.

Cosima had changed everything.

Cosima, with her throaty laugh, and her almost crushing enthusiasm. Cosima, who made Delphine feel more alive than she ever had before. Cosima who made her want to be better. Cosima who filled Delphine up with even her final breath. Cosima who was everything.

And they had tried so hard, all of them. They had done everything. Countless hours spent in labs, sleepless nights coloured with desperation. Delphine had done everything she could, but it wasn't enough, and one night in November Cosima had slipped away from her.

Delphine had slipped away too. When she left for Paris, she hadn't told the others. She couldn't bring herself to. She'd stolen away in the night, leaving only a note, hoping the others would find it, and understand all the words she couldn't say.

_I'm so sorry._


	2. Chapter 2

When she had first arrived back in France, she had stayed with her parents. They hadn't asked many questions, sensing the change in Delphine was caused by something more than she could ever put into words, and so they had left her alone. Delphine liked it that way. Alone was easier. Alone was peaceful. Alone was calm.

Eventually, she had moved back to Paris, rented a small apartment, and began to work at a cafe. She could not bear to work in a lab anymore, and once she had cut her ties with the DYAD institute, they would have made it near impossible for her anyway. There was no place for traitors in science, it seemed. And so it was easier to pretend.

She became Delphine of the cafe. Delphine, who made great espressos. Delphine, who had turned down Claude's several requests to see her outside of work. Delphine, who always remembered orders, never having to write anything down. Delphine, who rarely spoke more than two words at work, instead flashing her sad smile, with her wide eyes that held a thousand secrets. Delphine who was as plainly empty as any discarded cup left on any table in the sunny cafe.

She filled her days with as much work as possible. Filled her nights and weekends with bottles of wine and countless books. No more science; it was too difficult to be reminded of her own failures, her inadequacies, and the crushing sense that she, Delphine, who had loved Cosima with every fibre of her being,with even the tiniest bone in her body, had been the cause of her love's demise. No, she read fiction these days. As much as possible. Her apartment was scarcely decorated; minimalism had always been her style, and the only clutter was books.

It was easier to engage with these fictional traumas than think about her own. And so she spent her days filling up with other people's problems. Sobbing over other people's love. Never daring to think about her own.

Love was not something she wanted. When Claude had asked her the first time, she had scoffed and rebuffed him gently. No, she was not interested. No, she would not give him her phone number. No, she did not want to see his band play. No.

She wanted to be alone. Alone in her apartment. Alone in her life. Alone in her sadness. She couldn't help but think she deserved it.

The day the phone rang, she was surprised. It never rang. Nobody had her number. It was unlisted, and she had a habit of smiling, shaking her head, and swiftly denying she was in the possession of such a device whenever anybody had dared ask for her number.

She didn't answer it the first time, she was too taken aback. But when it rang a second time, she felt inclined. Delphine cautiously lifted the phone to her ear, too startled to say anything, she simply remained silent and waited for the voice on the other end.

"Delphine?" The voice queried "that you?"

"S-Sarah?" she sputtered out the name she hadn't said in three years.

"Yeah, it's me."

"How? How did you get this number?" Her tone was accusing.

"Listen blondie, it wasn't bloody easy. But it's important. You're gonna need to come back, now."

"Sarah. I cannot. Cosima.. She is dead. There is nothing for me anymore."

"Yeah, well that's the thing, innit? She's not."

Cosima was alive. And for a brief moment Delphine was full up again, her glee brimming up over her edges, her heart pounding like a thousand tiny drums desperate to escape the sad prison of her chest.

But this was not possible. Delphine had been there as her love took her final breath. She had been there for every moment. Every cough. Every faint trace of colour fading from Cosima's once bright face. Delphine had watched her die.

She had fastidiously, meticulously, in Sarah's words anally planned the funeral.

There were sunflowers, lots. Delphine had shyly presented a beaten looking bunch to Cosima once, and they were declared the finest flowers she had ever received. Her favourite. She'd pressed them, and kept them, fastened to their refrigerator gingerly by an old magnet.

And there was music. Nearly all of which was completely inappropriate for a funeral. But then again, so was Cosima.

Delphine had watched as the coffin, with messages of love and hope drawn with coloured sharpies on the sides, was lowered into the ground, Cosima wanting to give herself to the earth. She'd hated the fact that she had come from something so artificial, and was happy to become with the ground.

And yet here was Sarah, telling her that the impossible, something she had never even thought to dream of was happening, and so she had no choice.

"I will come immediately" Delphine stated firmly.

And so she did.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry, this chapter isn't the best. Trying to push the plot forward. I'm hoping some of the following chapters will be a bit longer! As always, reviews are always welcomed! Thanks for reading.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Delphine spent the next days in a blur. Her body seemed to be moving of it's own fruition, and she moved blankly through the motions, preparing for her trip back to Canada. Back to Cosima. Back to what she had tried so hard to bury.

The travel arrangements were easy. She had managed to book tickets very quickly, and was flying out only three days after the phone call. But those three days felt like an eternity, and she ached to see Cosima.

Despite her quiet happiness, Delphine couldn't help but feel that something was wrong. Although she had spoken to Sarah on several occasions, Sarah had never asked her to speak to Cosima, nor had Delphine worked up the nerve to ask. Sarah had not offered any news of Cosima, other than the blood now flowing through her veins, and this made Delphine's stomach churn. She hadn't been able to eat since the first call, and her body was now running on sheer determination. All she needed was Cosima, the ultimate sustenance.

The man on the plane had not made things easy, even with the three glasses of wine Delphine had slyly purchased from the steward. He was a cherry man, and wanted to speak to her, bombarding her with questions that she would not answer, could not answer.

"What is taking you to San Francisco my dear? Business? Pleasure? Both" he had asked, his elbow digging unpleasantly into her side.

Delphine did not think the man would appreciate the truth. "My deceased girlfriend is alive, and now I must meet with her, and her sisters, who are not really sisters, but actually her clones, who were conceived as part of an illegal experiment" She did not think this story would wash over very well.

And so she said nothing, the man eventually turning his attention to the small screen in front of him, and watching some dull film about cars. Delphine could not do the same. Despite her best efforts, all she was able to do was grip the armrests on either side of her like a vice and breathe.

She couldn't stop thinking about Cosima, and what she must have been through.  
She chastised herself for being so naive. Thinking that the DYAD Institute and the other more sinister parties involved would just roll over and allow one of their precious, invaluable, revolutionary investments to be buried in the earth was incredibly foolish, and yet so easy.

For the sake of the others, they had arranged a closed casket funeral. Even their steely exteriors, Delphine could feel how uncomfortable Sarah and Alison had been with a stone cold Cosima in front of them. Seeing her stiffly laid out was too difficult for all of them, and so when the funeral direction had asked, Delphine had blurted out that it had to be closed before the others had even had a chance to disagree. Delphine realised, with a cold sweat covering her palms, that anything could have been in the coffin. Anything, or anyone.

She had arranged to meet Sarah at the airport, and as she approached her, she was incredibly nervous. Half expecting a swift punch to the jaw, Delphine smiled meekly upon meeting the clone and offered a soft "I am so sorry."  
"Delphine, it is what it is, ya know?" Sarah replied, squeezing her hand softly for a moment and leading her to the waiting car.

They drove to Sarah's apartment in an awkward silence. Delphine had never been close to Sarah, and although they became almost friends with the grief they shared through Cosima's death, the two years had obviously taken their toll.

As they pulled into the car park, Delphine noticed how suburban the complex was, her eyes growing wide in surprise. It looked more like the kind of place Alison would be living. Sarah's style had always been much harsher, and the pastel yellow buildings, complete with flowers and nicely paved paths did not seem like a good fit.

"Oi Delphine, wipe that look off ya face. Things change ya know?" Sarah laughed, her face twisting into an almost Cosima like grin. Delphine's face crept into a soft half smile.

They entered the building, and walked a few flights of stairs, Sarah carrying Delphine's bag, a small gesture which she appreciated, until reaching a door marked 4b. Sarah paused and turned to face Delphine, her eyebrows raising slightly, and her face looking more solemn than Delphine had ever seen it.

"I shoulda said something earlier, Delphine. I don't know what they did to her really... But she's different" Her voice hitched on the last word. "She's not the same Cosima."


End file.
